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Step 2 of aw2b.
This page gets a little wordy, but it is my best effort to explain the ideas. Please persevere and re-read until you gain understanding and mental clarity. Thank you!
It is time to look at our autopilot. It has been formed over years of fear and confusion. Some parts of it are now completely wrong. We want to look again at how we walk, talk, stand, sit, dress, and think! Change the easy things first. You might find a favorite role model and take on their spirit (they would be honored). The most admired and successful people have shown the way...
For confidence in communication, Here is a page of seven handpicked YouTube videos. They are among the world's best communicators freely talking about how to build rapport and charisma. Watch them. Make some notes to yourself in a text file. Label this as your Journal. Only Truth is written in your Journal. Adopt these ideas in a way that seems right for you. Part of freedom is KNOWING (in truth) that you can deal with any situation effectively and remain calm.
Your journal becomes your truest understanding of everything important. You refer to it every morning. You are excited by your own plans, and know that you are well in control.
Imagine that on a random day from out of nowhere, you feel unsure (insecure). After completing aw2b this will be unexpected and it rocks you. But think! Your Journal is something you consult every single day! It cannot be wrong.
So, you learn that bad feelings are not to be trusted. Ignore them, as you would ignore a tiny troll. They fade, and you will see in hindsight how you were right to have done this. You were not led into confusion. Your journal is reliable Truth. So, in bad moments, use your faith in Love/God/Yourself/Truth to stay in your state of grace and calm.
Now think about your typical thoughts. What is your inner voice saying now? Negative thinking and old thinking related to fear should be noticed and calmly dismissed. Negative thinking builds bad feelings. Bad feelings should be identified as 'false flags' and ignored. They soon pass. We can learn this Truth from real-life examples...
Watch the TV series 'Married at First Sight'. See how every single bad reaction, is another disadvantage. The reaction is a clear expression of the reactive persons confusion and self-doubt. The reactions are never the truth of the matter, and ruin everything the reactive person would actually want. When you SEE & KNOW that this is true, you will know how to be when YOU want to react.
All bad vibes are 'fake news' or 'false flags'. It is only your old fear code having a wee shout. Have enough faith in Love/God/Yourself/Truth to stay calmly in your state of grace. If there is something to say, be concise and true. Let the bad feeling pass.
Consider the spectrum of reactivity. An upset person may disruptively cry, loudly judge or blame, secretly retaliate or badly beat someone. Each of these reactions comes from a confused mind (unprocessed old pain or resistance to an unexpected outcome). We cannot say it is 'ok' that a person reacts. It may be 'understandable', but it is not 'ok' to disruptively cry, loudly blame, or beat anyone.
From our point of higher awareness, we know that they need to reprocess their old pain to gain freedom from reactivity. When a person is reactive it is best to somewhat agree with them in order to calm them, but violence (disruptive crying, loudly judging or blaming and beating someone) can never be correctly judged as being 'ok'.
In a nutshell, we know that we are always going to choose to be kind good men or women, because we understand that all fear code reactivity destroys our quest for joy and success. We also know that given a moment to think, that we can come up with a reasonable response in any situatiuon. We also know it is wise to prepare for any difficult situations (we are not children). This means we dont have to concern ourselves with what anyone else thinks, or about any situation if it is out of our control. So we choose to just BE Love, we smile in a gush of life in many moments, trying to achieve our bliss and enjoy any folk who we meet along the way.
When you catch yourself judging anyone, try to hold back from saying anything out loud. Instead, have gratitude that you no longer struggle. Realize that they have not yet discovered the truth about Love. Be secure in your own clarity.
There are times when you can meet someone who has gone to great lengths to look and behave beautifully, but then they open their mouths and garbage comes out (negativity and harsh judgement). Feel sorry for them. Perhaps they are tired of the struggle and are ready to look at a new way to be. Later when all is calm, test your skills of rapport by trying to have them ask about aw2b (because pushing never works).
When anyone causes bad vibes inside you, know that they did not mean to especially hurt you or upset you. Your bad feeling is a reaction to old pain. So, ignore your first thoughts. The bad feeling will soon leave your body. At times like this you need to remain calm. The other person is lost in confusion and spoke from their confusion. Sometimes (sadly), we will accidentally speak from our confusion too! Forgive. Accept.
You do not have to suppress any Truth. Our bad reactions and negative judgements are unhelpful and literally wrong. This is the lesson here. Any bad thought/feeling you have 'is what it is'. Think about the truth beneath it. Accept the truth and be grateful that you recognize it.
Support, critique, support (with love). When talking about others, whether they are present or not, speak about them as if they are right there with you. You can point out where there is room for improvement in a way that they would shrug, smile broadly, and shake your hand. Everything you do well builds rapport. Those people are now your fans. They will willingly help you succeed too. You are building mastery. You are becoming a rare and valuable member of your community, and valuable to any business too!
It can be difficult to know HOW to actually think before you speak! It is helpful to use the word 'formal'. When you maintain a touch of formality, you have a little separation. You are calm and considerate. Your best and most attractive self! When you fail, just say 'I'm sorry, I reacted. That was my fault'. This way you always impress, leading to life success socially and in business.
Self-leadership (mental maturity) is being able to speak your truth without causing pain to others.
Do what works. Doing 'what works' is usually obvious. Since we have abandoned our old fear-based thoughts, we don't mess with skepticism, cynicism, and judgement like we used to. Some things are out of our control ('it is what it is'). We don't waste our energy whining about it with friends, or in our heads. Talking about it is ok though! We focus only on 'doing what works' (the bell curve). People who whine are showing that they are still situationally reactive beings. We are all on our own journey to higher awareness.
This is the transition from being a person who is continuously rocked by their 'mistakes', into someone who see's every result as another valuable learning experience. One is stilted and stagnant, the other grows happily every day.
I seriously recommend watching 'Married at First Sight' to observe real-life examples of human interaction. You get the chance to study the real thing. You realize that through your understanding of Love (the Truth), you can clearly see what is going on underneath every situation. Even the therapists are not always right(!). Your mental clarity allows you to experience 'I see all!' moments :D. It's really fun!
It is ok to have a laugh sometimes! Just do it privately with your absolute nearest and dearest! You may end a giggle with '... but I hope they do sort themselves out soon, poor things!'.
Even after doing aw2b, we can still catch ourselves reacting sometimes. But we catch it fast, make it right and speak our truth. It does not get out of hand. We have a good feel for how to communicate successfully from the world experts.
From this moment on, we agree to stop ourselves from interpreting our fear reactions as useful or even real. We pledge to stop judging & reacting. We look at the underlying cause within, and notice its irrelevance. We have faith in ourselves, and to try to slow down a little when working alongside others. To achieve all of the above easily, simply KNOW those truths and seriously just relax, be kind and play nice! ♥.
It sounds soft and ineffective, but it is the real position of personal power.
You will know it soon.
Here is a sample from my journal (I like short statements).
Identity
What else do I love about this?
Slow down, especially with people
Listen to their experience (ask for more)
Fill out my weaknesses (food, sports...)
Reduce any old damaging behaviors
Just calmly do the next right thing!
To do
Morning yoga and exercises
Think 'how can I help people?'
14 Dec Toastmasters meeting
It can be fun to experiment with your mind. Each time I become reasonably aware of myself, I like to also ask 'What else do I love about this?'. It keeps my gratitude flowing. The rest of my 'Identity' list are a few notes to on how I want to tilt my own autopilot. It reminds me to relax and calmly go about doing 'the next right thing'. You will find that calm thought, always works better than confused overthinking.
We are now able to lock in self-leadership. All great leadership is great self-leadership. We detach from our (childlike/overwhelmed) reactive pasts. We move from feeling humbled, into a mode of feeling powerful and unlimited. This is the traditional enlightenment experience.
It is good to use words we are familiar with. So, in A Way to Be (aw2b), we call this moving from childhood into maturity. That is, reactive (heart) consciousness moving into mature heart/mind consciousness. In the past, the word God has represented Love. When we listen to our healed hearts, we are listening to the word of God or Love. Choose the one that works best for you. We don't all need therapy. God or Love is the only therapist we need. It's who we are designed to be.
Also in my journal are notes to define my own gender truths:
Masculinity
Calm is strong
Stop talking shop,
She wants me to lead
Use Reverse charisma (listening)
don't be overly 'nice' (see Robert Glover)
Femininity
wants me in my masculine
always be in approach mode
check for signs of interest
The Diagram below shows modes of being. At work we are usually somewhere in our heads (the more masculine traits). At home it may be good to settle into our hearts (the more feminine traits).
The inner voice quickly becomes one of support and joy. We cannot hold feelings of self-doubt. Our journal is Truth. Dark feelings and moods are dismissed as plainly wrong. When we have no confusion, we do not feed our fears. Those uncomfortable chemicals in our bodies fade quickly. If not, a quiet well-timed chat will cause a heavy soul to become light.
Being calm and loving is easiest to remember, enjoyable to do, and the only thing that works! Everything you want is related to these simple skills of communication. Your internal communication, and your connection to others. It may seem 'Pollyanna', but it is strongly effective and comes from a place of real inner beauty and Love (your authentic self).
Aw2b is in line with the deep Truths of Science, Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Stoicism, Psychology & modern wellbeing. There are no longer any boundaries to friendship and cooperation. By having healed both our hearts and minds, all limiting factors have been removed. Growth becomes natural and exciting.
Lets look again at this useful word 'formality'. We may notice that most of our autopilot responses are enjoyable and appropriate for the situation. We love to be in flow. But our flow is not only creative, it is also random, uncontrolled and reactive. This mode is also the version of us that talks too much or too little, is too open or too closed, scratches our bottoms, and drools in our sleep! It is us at our most reactive or childlike.
Our autopilot is not our best 'way to be' in front of strangers, colleagues, or someone of the opposite gender. It is wise to slow right down and speak with a little heart/mind balance. To be in your calm authentic self. A touch of formality is how we honor people by controlling ourselves. It is not us being 'fake', because we do it with authentic and true open hearts.
Formal calm is us at our very best (and most attractive!). By slowing down, the best of our humor and wisdom also has a chance to be shown. We know this! When we slow down and feel fully in control of our words we feel the power of it. We feel a little intoxicated by the fun or clarity of our rapport. Higher awareness is often playful. The clarifying effect of aw2b lets us summon our most powerful mode more regularly.
You may be young at self-leadership, but you will receive the respect anyone already. That is, a good heart is recognized and respected everywhere. Enlightenment is not a race. You are doing it or you are not. When you are behaving as a person of higher awareness, you deserve and will get the respect of the highest ranking people in any room you enter. Any extra leadership work you do will fit nicely on top of who you are naturally becoming. Watch the reality TV series 'Below Deck' to see real-life leadership in action. When in doubt, ask 'What would Captain Sandy do?'.
Listening is a huge part of charisma. Be interested in the other person. Ask two questions before saying something agreeable without dominating the whole conversation. Imagine approaching a shy animal. It takes patience to earn trust. We succeed personally, when we show support for others by having them feel good about themselves too.
In business, selling is the joy of developing friendships. Professional salespeople are experts at enjoying the hearts (values) and needs of people they meet. A sale/deal will then make perfect sense to both partys (it all comes back to 'how can i serve?'). In all business, a growing network of contacts/friends/experts is one of your primary assets. Stay in touch with them.
In boardrooms, emotional behavior will show weakness. Honor other leaders by being at your best. That is, with an open heart and a clear mind (heart/mind balance). Many top leaders say very little. They listen carefully, think a while, and try to be as concise and clear as possible with their words. At the highest levels, this is the way to have and show respect for everyone present.
Family dinners can be the biggest test. Show wisdom, gratitude and respect by being happily supportive. A little formality will restrain your reactive self. Any 'side issues' can be planned for later over a cup of tea. You are one of the special people now. Be a builder of good energy.
'Leading from Behind' is a wonderful place to be. If we are not the main leader of a team or personal relationship, we consider ourselves to be happily 'Leading from Behind'. We raise any issues with calm and purpose. For all growth, you have the full free advice of experienced (loving) experts via YouTube. The purpose of our internet is to allow anyone to help others create a unified and beautiful human future.
Fitness and sports-style mindset optimization is also improved. You are no longer stuck inside as a reactive body, sometimes fearful, sometimes aggressive, sometimes depressed. In a way, all optimization is done from 'outside of yourself'. You live the many advantages of self-control.
Use the Gif technique if you are bothered by a repetitive useless thought (anxiety). Tell your brain that when the thought comes up, it should play a two second hi-resolution video of your wildest enjoyable imagining. The bothersome thought soon disappears and leaves you smiling.
Expect that everyone is wonderful and balanced. Some people fall short, but have compassion for their story so far (we are all on a growth journey). We gradually realize that our non-reactive self can see the real truth about the people we meet, and things that happen. We find it easy to be right about everything! Naturally, we feel much more confident.
We confirm that we are comfortable thinking about our past, present and future. This way, we know for certain that wherever our wandering mind goes, it is a place of calm Truth. We know that our future is looking brighter with every day of progress and growth. We are thrilled with the love we engage in at every moment. We watch out for when perfectionism or fundmentalism holds us back from growth.
We know and appreciate our history. We celebrate and enjoy the uniqueness of our traditional ways. We 'bless' our cultural pasts and are proud to be the ones who get to break the cycle of fear and loathing. Change is always inevitable. Mature acceptance is deeply respected by all.
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